


A Christmas Reckoning

by Fiction_Is_Freedom



Category: One Piece
Genre: A very very very rude Christmas letter, Christmas Fluff, M/M, Snowball Fight, baking gone wrong, sanji shouldn't drink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:02:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28293531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiction_Is_Freedom/pseuds/Fiction_Is_Freedom
Summary: Sanji shouldn't drink. Like ever.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 18
Kudos: 74
Collections: Zosan Club - Secret Santa 2020





	A Christmas Reckoning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [billionberrybounty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/billionberrybounty/gifts).



> For BillionBerryBounty for the ZoSan Discord Secret Santa. 
> 
> I really hope you like it, I'm very new to writing and I hope this fulfills your prompt of "Zoro and Sanji's first Christmas together".  
> Happy Holidays everyone <3

__

_Dear Hottie McHotsterson,_

_What the actual fuck is that abomination in your front yard?_

_It looks like shaved ice with clinical depression._

_Why would you use a stick for a nose? Have you no shame? No pride as a father?_

_Where are the coal buttons? And the hat? And the scarf?_

_WHY DID YOU GIVE IT SHOES? IT HAS NO FEET._

_The three rocks on its face do not count as a smile, if anything they look like deformed nostrils._

_What would a snowman be smelling? The stench of your failure?_

_Also, you’re never-taken-down annually recycled christmas lights are shameful._

_You have failed Christmas epically and you must do better._

_I expect a full Christmas Reckoning and nothing less._

_And you better bake cookies for Santa. And they better be fucking delicious._

_And decorate the fucking tree you hot-like-burning moron! That store bought plastic shit you put up every year just to not decorate is pathetic and unacceptable._  
_I expect Christmas Wreaths and Mistletoe and Cookies and CandyCanes and GODDAMNED MOTHER FUCKING SNOWMEN!_

_Should you require assistance with this rectification, I am ~~single~~ available until the new year._

_(P.S. I’ve discovered a wonderful recipe for White Russian Eggnog shots and I CAN pass it along.)_

_(P.P.S Baby Carrots as Snowmen noses are unacceptable, I am not above mercy killing.)_

_Yours truly,_

_~~Christmas Slut~~ Sanji. _

***

Sanji’s head hurt like a mother fucker. His brain was throbbing and his Christmas Tree was way too bright this early in the morning (2pm). Whoever has the fucking audacity to ring his doorbell is going to get a foot to the mother fucking fac- 

“Oh, hi neighbour.” _Shit, I look like shit. Fuck, your hungover of course you look like shit. Yawn and casually fix hair, yawn and casually fix hair! You can do this._  
Sanji yawned and raked a hand through his _multidirectional_ mess. 

_Nice going you just told this fucking god you slept until 2p.m. holy fucking shit, get it together Sanji._

“So, um, can I help you?” He croaked, wincing internally. 

“Do you know my name?” 

“Uh, sorry no.”

“That explains the first bit, then.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Roronoa Zoro.”  
_Filing that away,_ “Nice to meet you?”

“Not,” Zoro lifted a brightly colored paper covered in chicken scratch and then proceeded to clear his throat, “Hottie McHotsterson.”

Sanji blinked. 

“Sorry, what?” 

“Do you live here alone?”

“I don’t think that's a very appropriate questi-”

“Are you a, quote, Christmas Slut?”

“I don’t know who the fuck-”

Zoro thrusted the paper in his face and Sanji, slightly irritated, slowly began to read what he now realized was a letter. 

To Hottie McHotsterson.

Sanji snorted and continued to read. And continued to read. And continued to read. 

And then his smile fell. 

Ever so slowly, he looked up to meet a positively beaming ‘Roronoa Zoro’. 

“I am so fucking sorry. Holy fuck I apologize.” _I fucking wrote the letter, I FUCKING WROTE, THE FUCKING LETTER. Holy shit. I can never drink again. It’s settled, I'm banned. Oh my god._

“Well that seems extreme.” 

“Oh my god.” _STOP TALKING OUT LOUD YOU FUCKING IDIOT._

“I’m here to take you up on your offer.”

Sanji, eyes wide like saucers and brain most certainly malfunctioning, could only respond with “Sorry, what?”

Zoro beamed and let himself in, Sanji just stood there for a moment in shock. 

“You’re never taken down annually recycled Christmas lights are shameful. You have failed Christmas epically and you must do better. I expect a full Christmas Reckoning and nothing less. And you better bake cookies for Santa. And they better be fucking delicious.  
And decorate the fucking tree you hot-like-burning moron!” 

Zoro paused, “I have to say, I very much enjoyed that part.”  
Sanji blushed, “I-”

Zoro interrupted him, “I expect Christmas Wreaths and Mistletoe and Cookies and Candy Canes and GODDAMNED MOTHER FUCKING SNOWMEN!” 

“You seriously can’t expect-”

“Should you require assistance with this rectification, I am single,” Sanji flushed bright crimson,  
“My apologies you meant to say ‘available’, “until the new year.” 

Sanji was speechless. 

Zoro, the smug bastard, somehow beamed brighter. 

“Where do we start?” 

***

“So, um, if the snow is too soft you have to pat the air out so it, uh, sticks.”

Zoro looked rather serious, “Right, of course. Can you show me?” 

Sanji flushed and began rolling the base for the snowman. Zoro copied. 

“This is taking so much longer than just piling snow on the wall.” 

Sanji glanced at his previous snow-tragedy.

“That’s not a snowman, Roronoa.” He paused, Sanji really liked saying his name. 

“That’s what you call a highway accident.” 

Sanji was knocked over by a sizable almost-snowman to the face.  
“Oh really?” Said Sanji, wiping the snow from his face.

Zoro grinned, “Really.”

“It’s on, Mosshead.”

Zoro paused, offended, and that was all the time Sanji needed to hit and run. 

Sanji, wisely, took shelter behind the thick snow coated bush separating their houses.

Zoro, unwisely, took shelter behind his deformed snow abomination. 

Sanji howled with laughter as he caught Zoro with a snowball to the face, Zoro began furiously preparing snowamunition. 

The fight lasted a while, honestly. Sanji was winning because of his superior experience and skill and nothing to do with the fact that Zoro had absolutely no cover whatsoever. 

In the end, Zoro heaved his 5 foot tall snow abomination off the ground and chucked it at Sanji. 

He maintains that Zoro _absolutely_ cheated. 

It’s called a snow _ball_ fight. 

Zoro’s victory smile was worth it, though. 

***

The intent was to bake cookies. Sanji very much planned on making the best cookies, Zoro, however, had different plans. Sanji hadn’t even begun mixing ingredients when Zoro began ‘accidentally’ high velocity launching flour in his face. And Sanji, well Sanji’s learning he’s a very competitive person. 

The flour didn't last long. 

They moved on to Chocolate Chips, which Sanji learned could be surprisingly painful. 

And then eggs. Zoro lost badly on the eggs, he was absolutely covered head to toe. 

Sanji would have continued, honestly. He was mid scoop on the heavily coated flour floor, when Zoro had the bright idea of plastering his defeat along Sanji’s backside. 

Sanji yelped and screamed and cursed and fought and Zoro just hugged him tighter and chuckled softly into Sanji's ear, “I win.”

“You just cheated.”

Zoro smiled, “I wasn’t talking about the food fight.” 

Sanji flushed bright crimson. 

***

Coming out of Zoro’s shower wearing Zoro’s sweats and an oversized warm hoodie Sanji couldn’t help but think about how this all started. 

Still towel drying his hair, Sanji approached Zoro. 

“You know, we haven't finished a single fucking thing in that letter.” 

Zoro raised a single judgmental eyebrow and then glanced up, and that's when Sanji noticed the smallest, oldest, most pathetic looking mistletoe ever hanging just in the archway. 

Sanji laughed brightly. “There’s hope for you yet.” 

Zoro smirked and Sanji leaned in. 

It was disgusting, honestly. Zoro was still covered in flour and egg yolk and little bits of surprise chocolate, but his kiss was soft and his happy smile made it all the better. 

It was perfect. 

_There’s always next Christmas_ , Sanji thought. 

***

White Russian Eggnog Shots 

Honestly, best Christmas themed drink fucking ever. 10/5 stars, highly recommend, drink irresponsibly, may result in boyfriends.

-SanjiYelps0043


End file.
